'Your Choice' or .'..and then he left.'

[picture from here ]

While in the trees high, the birds all sing
We met on a sunny day in spring.
Your gleaming eyes, so stunning and grey
Just smiling because I had nothing to say.

In the green grass, we used to slumber
The hot sun shone; it was summer.
You played the guitar until the fall of night
Being with you just felt so right.

Automn arrived; leaves change color
When I'm talking, you just mutter.
Definitely, you are just one of a kind
Strange, how could I've been so blind?

Walking trough the snow, hand in hand
Somehow I knew this would be the end.
Softly whispering, I hear your voice
'Please... This is my choice.'

The wind, it blows and I keep quiet
Instead I try to hold you tight.
You unwind and push me softly away
My eyes are begging you to stay.

You turn around and simply leave
Your departure is something I could never believe
Who knows if we ever meet again
Hopefully, I'll be over it by then.


<3 .ladybird

M.I.S.R.E.A.D

[picture found here ]

Everything‘s splendid and everything’s nice
I understand You although I ask twice
You know what I mean without me speaking out loud
Sometimes it seems as if we sit on our own cloud.

Everything’s good and everything’s bright
Never was there a reason to fight
Always a sentence saying ‘I like you’
Always a reply saying ‘Today, wow, isn’t the sky blue?’

Everything’s ok and everything’s fine
Still silence although it is past nine
Unspoken thoughts, unheard wishes
Conversation is only beating the bushes

One gets so brave, one gets so tough
The truth comes out a little rough
Unprepared, my heart, it breaks
Guilty, your head, it starts to ache.

Misinterpretation of your lines
Convinced that You were somehow mine
Could have made such a good match
But just one of us… misread.

ladybird. <3

Dandelion...

[credits of picture: modish.typepad.com ]

Dandelion, on a field.
Dandelion, suddenly in the wind.
Dandelion flies through the air.
Dandelion rests in your hair.

Dandelion lands on the grass.
Dandelion, suddenly a mass.
Dandelion taken by the wind.
Dandelion, until next spring.


[written during Economics cours xD
<3 ladybird.]

"Do you remember High School?"

He entered the room. She sat on the bed, taking off her earrings.

“What are you doing?” he asked with a strange look on his face.

“What does it seem like? Taking off my earrings. Honey, in case you didn’t notice, I do this every evening.” She said slightly amused.

She put the jewelry carefully in its case and put it back on the chest. When she turned around she found her husband sitting on the bed where she just sat some moments ago. He looks a bit sad or nostalgic; an absent stare on his polished black shoes. They just came back from the theater where they met some good old friends of them. It had been a pleasant evening and everybody seemed to enjoy the company of the other. So what was wrong with him?

“Darling… everything alright?” She approached him but he didn’t seem to hear her. She sat next to him and he lifts his eyes and looked to her waiting and at the same time worried face. Seeing this he was surprised and immediately smiled to comfort her. He laid his arm around her shoulder.

“You look beautiful tonight.” He mumbled into her hair. She smiled and squeezed his thigh. “Thank you, you do too.” And they both sat there for a moment or two like this lost in their thoughts. When she raised her head she saw again that strange sad look but this time in his eyes. “Will you tell me what worries you?” she asked very slowly and soft.

“Do you remember High School?” That was all he said. High School? Of course she remembered High School; she was a popular Cheerleader back then and she was grateful to be one because she paid college through a Cheerleader scholarship. She didn’t know something about her husband’s time at High School, he always avoided the topic and never spoke about it, not even when they first met in College. So what makes him think about High School right now and why does it sadden him that much? She answered with a short “Yes, of course” and waited for him to carry on.

He took his arm from her shoulder and folded his hands in his lap. “Right now, me too.” She waited. “I saw a guy tonight who used to be with me at High School. He was the one working at the cloak room.” She remembered the man; a tired grumpy unhappy looking man who seemed to have more than just that one job. She questioned herself what could have happened between her husband and that man back then. He went on “I never told you something about my High School time, did I?” –“No, as far as I can remember, you always avoided that topic.” It was quiet for another moment and then he said “High School was hell on earth for me. You can’t imagine what I went through back then. I was a geeky freak; everybody made fun out of me and did ugly things to me. It was the worst I’ve ever seen. And that man from the cloak room was one of my meanest enemies. He was our quarterback; the most popular guy at our High School. Till today I don’t know what his problem was but I was a shield for everything that went wrong in his life. I was laughed at or beaten up, glued to the toilet and much more. He was great while I was smaller than an ant. And tonight, I saw him, just like I was back then.” Here he paused. His wife sitting next to him had a tear in her eye, laid her head against his shoulder and rubbed his back. She couldn’t believe that this though great successful man beside her used to be a shy boy who acted as shield for other people’s emotions. He went on “Back then I used to think that one day, when I see him again, then it’ll be my turn to laugh at him, that he will be for once the smaller one. But seeing him the way he was tonight… I hadn’t had the feeling to laugh or whatever, I just felt pity and sorry for him. I don’t know what had happened to him but… I don’t know.” He stopped. She knew that all the memories from that time came up and that he couldn’t continue. She left him to think, held him in her arms. After some minutes he stood up. “You know, I forgave him and all the others long time ago. I thought that I will never ever see one of them again in my life. It was a bit of a shock seeing that once so popular man there taking my coat and calling me ‘sir’. I think I need to get over it; not everyone has the chance to be popular for a lifetime. I’m glad how I ended up and grateful for having you by my side. I should have told you my High School story way earlier, but I couldn’t. I tried to forget it and close the wounds. But now, once I remembered… yes, it did hurt, but I feel a bit more released.” He smiled and she knew that the worst was over. She smiled back and went to him to hug him.

The Man with the Hat

I never felt like this before. I did not even think that a hat could drive me nuts and this for real now. You can’t imagine in which difficulties I found myself because of your hat. Yes, YOUR hat. The strange thing is that I can’t figure out which way I’m heading right now. I’m, somehow, confused and feel as if I’m turning in a circle and this all because of you.

I tell myself and my friends that I just want to get to know you because I think that you are so cool and amazing in your very own way. Actually that’s really true; I want to know you and be friends with you because you seem to me to be so interesting and someone with whom I can discuss and have intelligent conversations. It’s all true, but… there seems to be something else too. Why does, every time I only think I spotted you, my heart skips a beat? Why do I turn red like a tomato and suddenly feel so hot when I see a hat like yours? Or why does an old car suddenly makes me want to follow it or gets me so excited that I can’t sit still any longer? Why?

It’s a very strange feeling. I know that I’m not in love, that is for sure, but I always feel as if I have a zillion of butterflies in my tummy as soon as I see you or remember myself of you. Somehow you are exactly what I feel attracted to although you are 7 years older than me and that should, in my age definitely, be a barricade. You are a man, a real adult ‘I-can-do-whatever-I-want-to’-man and I’m not yet ready to be a woman; a girl experimenting with the fact of being an adult, a woman. You came into my life by complete coincidence or perhaps destiny; a crossroad where you drove past my car, you looked to me and I looked to you, same as my friend sitting beside me. From that very moment on I wanted to get to know you. I was fascinated and so curious that I had to find you once again and I did. And again you looked to us and we to you and in your face someone could see your brain working, trying to find out if we were the same girls you saw right now but at another crossroad.

I actually thought that you were taller and younger, but this doesn’t even matter now. 4 days in a row where I saw you passing me by, standing close to me, being far away or just sitting somewhere nearby and you took your photographs. I felt your presence with every hair on my body because I had such crazy Goosebumps that I knew you were close although I couldn’t see you. It’s weird. But at the same time such a good feeling. I don’t want to fall in love because you are so much older than me, you smoke and drink and perhaps take other stuff. Because you are as short as I am (at least it seems to me) and have long dark blonde hair and blue-grey-green eyes and 2 tattoos and 2 piercings. Because you are so good-looking and wear things other guys wouldn’t dare to wear and drive such an old stylish car nobody else drives. Because you do what you want and are a gentleman and are so charming and cute. Because you are an artist (a real good one) and see the beauty in everything and know how to skate and to beat box. No! I’m not even supposed to think about it. On top of this is that I’m for sure not what you’re looking for, I just can’t be what you want to have as girlfriend, or as fiancée or as future wife. No! You need someone who is more like you instead of someone like me who wants someone like you. You are old enough to have at least one child and a wife, so you shouldn’t bother with me, the puppy.

And still, since I first saw you my goal is it to get to know you and be friends with you. I want to know how you got to be so much into the art and if “Das Parfum” from P. Süsskind is your favorite book just because your last name is the name of the protagonist? Those and many other questions I would like to ask you and have some answers. But for now, I just need to wait till I see you again.

<3 .ladybird

Peter Pan Syndrome*

[Picture belongs to briberry.]

*Don’t think this really exists.

„Childhood is the Kingdom where nobody dies“ Edna St. Vincent Millay

I think I suffer of PPS (= Peter Pan Syndrome). What? You don’t know what that is? Well then, I guess I need to explain it to you:

My disease is the fact that (in this case) a girl or from the society considered as a young woman doesn’t want to be an adult. Well no, that’s not formulated right; it’s more that I don’t want to lose the fun parts of being a child when I’m an adult. I like to be an adult (if that’s what I am) because it has its good and its less good parts and with childhood you can find the same. It’s that I consider myself as a “not yet ready to be an adult” person. I like way too much stuff like fairytales, invent stories, try risky things and leave free way to my unlimited imagination. The fact that I can go nuts for some fictive person, love stars, butterflies and rainbows or need to put a smiley on the end of my sentences don’t make things any better. But still I am lucky because I just suffer from a light form of the Peter Pan Syndrome: I haven’t yet reached the point where I run the streets screaming ‘I do believe in fairies!’, no, basically I switch between being a child and being an adult. I’m still capable of being serious when it’s necessary and think rational about different topics. But most of the time I laugh and smile and am a bit silly here and there; I come up with sometimes very strange but funny ideas and say what’s on my mind, doesn’t matter how weird it is, without thinking it over.

I’ve always been dreaming of being the very first Lost Girl; I even left my window wide open every night, but unfortunately Peter Pan never paid me a visit, for what reason ever. Now I wait for Jasper Hale or Edward Cullen to invade my room, but till now: no sign. (Yes, do call me crazy ;))

If you knew my age (forget it! You never question a Lady about her age ;)) then you probably declare me as mentally disturbed or something like that. Hitherto I never felt appropriate to my age; I always feel younger than I actually am and the good thing about it is that I even do look sometimes (and especially in pictures) like a smiley kid. I hope it stays that way cause when I’m like 40 or so, I’ll still look like 20 or so.

Strangely I have the feeling that I’m not the only one who has PPS…xD

.ladybird <3

Letters... (part. 1)

Dear...

* What would my everyday life be without you?! With whom should I be silly even in public without getting embarrassed?! I couldn’t be without my Happy Emo! =) Thanks for listening and helping me out and being there for me. Twilight brought us even closer than we were before and now we are something like inseparable which is kind of good. With you I can walk in to a restaurant and order in English although they only understand French, start to stalk unknown people just because they perhaps might be a Cullen-family-member, laugh for hours about nonsense, take Twilight-pictures out of boredom with disguise and everything, start to sing our favorite musicals or just simply sit in a car on a parking lot and enjoy the silence until we burst in to a laugh. Thanks a bunch for being there! You are awesome! Twilight series 4ever! x) <3

* I’m so glad that Internet and ‘MySpace’ had been invented! Without those I think I would have never ever got to know such a great and simply wonderful person like you are. I love your personality and your character, the fact that you are so patient with me: for explaining an unknown world to me, making clear to me that I’m once again overreacting or simply letting me talk although I get on your nerves. For letting me see a positive in every situation that life offers us and for introducing me to new worlds of music. Thank You! Thanks for being a friend when so many others let me down. Thanks for still being reachable to me although you have a girlfriend and your time is limited. Thanks for being there when I’m in need of somebody. Whatever will be, you can count on me and be sure of my support! You are hyper-cuul and my favorite Struwwelkapp!x) <3

* Hm, although you have an obsession of spending nights in discos, clubs, cafés or on parties because everyone else does it and is considered as ‘oh so cool’, I still like you and like to spend time with you while you’re ‘back in town’. It’s great to go and do shopping with you and exchange the newest gossip. Thanks for accepting my tardiness of sometimes an hour because you know that I’m not doing it extra. I know that you aren’t the kind of person to do no matter what stuff in public because you think way too much about what the others will think of you but still it’s fun to be with you. Thanks a bunch for being my friend. <3

Your .ladybird

New Moon...

A good friend of mine did a trailer for New Moon and I have the urge to share this video with you out there. Please watch it!=) I think that it will please every Twilight-series fan...^.^

http://www.myvideo.de/watch/6183433/new_moon_fan_made_trailer


THANK YOU!=)

From Alice with Love...

Dear Jasper,

Already by now I can say that this letter will please you.

I remembered how we both met in that particular dark pub, the expression you had on your face and the surprise in your eyes when I told you that you kept me waiting for a long time and then how you smiled when you took my hand. From the first moment on where you appeared in my visions, I was desperately searching you and I couldn’t wait for the nights and days to go by. For the very first time you felt hope, I found my new strength. I will never forget that very special moment and if I say never then I mean it.

Actually I want to say thank you. Thank You for everything… and more. I don’t know if you can sense how much it means to me to have you by my side, but you can be sure that it is very very much. You are the most important in my life because you are my life. I’ll do everything that is possible to keep you away from any danger and I rather die than to let you get harmed. Although I never expressed it in words but you should know that I love you more than anyone or anything else in this life.

If I was able to dream, I would dream of you; how you hold me, how you smile when you sense my happiness and feel joyful too, the way you look me in the eyes to express your love because words aren’t enough or how you try to protect me when you sense danger. I couldn’t ask for anybody better. Although we both got our little flaws, we seem to be the right kind of wrong for each other. I am such a fashion victim and turn in to a pain in the neck when it comes to clothes and accessories. (Yes I know what you all are thinking of me when I start to check your clothes and wardrobes) You, Jasper, are still the ‘old’ Gentleman from the South whom you used to be while you were still human. (You should know by now that I am as strong and invulnerable as you although I seem to be so fragile)

Jasper, I may be wrong but I know that you are aware of me lying to you sometimes but you should know the reason why: I sometimes don’t tell you what I do see exactly or how some situations will end because I want to protect you. Just imagine my life continuing without you; it’s impossible. I couldn’t bare it and I do miss you already in every single minute I don’t have you with me. So if I should once fail and lose you forever then be sure that I will follow you because your way shall be mine as well. I know that you don’t like it when I’m saying something like that so I apologize because I love you, but you should know that it’s true.

Thank You Jasper for everything; the joy you brought to my eternal life, the love I give and get every single day and the feeling of not being lonesome because I have you by my side in those long lasting nights. I am blessed to get and to have you in my life, forever.

With endless Love,

Your Alice

[Explanation: Jasper is my absolute favorite character of the Twilight-series and that's why I really wanted to be at least once in Alice's place. I suppose she would probably write in the same way to Jasper, but this is how I would write to him too (if Jasper was mine and I was a vampire). =)]

Edward's Lullaby

(to the music of "Kiss the rain" by Yiruma)

[Explanation: I found that Edward should have a Lullaby too, not only Bella, so I put myself into Bella's place and wrote a Lullaby for Edward Cullen I hope it comes at least a bit close to what Bella would like to express in a Lullaby for Edward...=)]

(with the linked video, my lyrics start at 0:33, so you can try to sing along if you want to...^_^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCSe66pWNmc )

When I look in your eyes, those shiny golden eyes
Your face so wonderful, pale white, beautiful
Then my heart skips a beat, I look to my feet
And I ask myself why you chose me?

And now we’re here, have you in my arms
It feels so good; I’ll never let you go away from me
The daylight fades, with golden grace
And I hope you’ll stay for another night

Where ever you may go, be sure I will follow
Without you by my side, for certain I’ll die
Life only does make sense, when I feel your hands
Hear your tender voice, smell your sweet breath

You are so powerful, so fast and mystical
So brave and kind to me
You’re sure this should be?
None of us felt like this
Even when we kiss
I need to hold you tide to know it’s real

And now we’re here, standing hand in hand
No one will ever be able to break our secret band
The enemies come, we will stand strong
Defend our love from whatever may come

From twilight till breaking dawn, together we’ll be strong
For saving each other’s life, we forget our own pride
You are the world’s best gift, my all and everything
I love you from the bottom of my whole heart

When I look in your eyes, those shiny golden eyes
Your face so wonderful, pale white, beautiful
Then my heart skips a beat, I look to my feet
And I ask myself why you chose me?
And I ask myself why you chose me?

left outside alone

(the words of a man... on the street.)

Alone. Is it the appropriate word?
Lonely. Another adjective to add?
The rain pores. My heart beats flat.
Nowhere to go. Nothing I could afford.

Strolling down the streets. Hurting my feet.
Cold and Hunger. My constant companions.
I used to dream I was among the champions.
Among them I shone like a bead.

I used to have a job, a family.
In short: a perfect life.
Suddenly it all ended in a big strife.
Now. They do live happy in Italy.

Daydream. My daily entertainment.
Unemployed and broke. My daily situation.
My shelter and bed: a bus station.
My life a constant torment.

(sorry for possible mistakes =])

Memories...

[I wrote this poem some years ago. =)]

Maybe we were perfect together,
Although we were never meant to be.
Maybe we were just all that we needed,
And nobody recognized it, only we.

Two wrongs just make One right,
But for this, we both had to fight.
We could do whatever we wanted to,
As long as you had me and I had you.

All our friends just made fun of us,
But we were laughing all along.
We always had much to discuss,
But those times are all gone.

You bought me diamond rings,
All kind of those things.
They never meant something to me,
I never asked for it, so this did not have to be.

It’s just another of those days,
Drenched in anger and tears.
Cleaned up your last trace,
And with it, went all of my last fears.

I saw you with her tonight,
She looks like your perfect bride.
The girl that took my place,
Starres now at your face.

You called me your everything,
Now, I guess, it’s her turn.
Time has come, I’m worth nothing.
If it’s like this, so, no need to yearn!

I just want to be happy,
Never done something wrong.
Now, I feel so very crappy,
Someday, maybe happiness will go on.

[Note: there might be some lines where I could have done better, but the fact that I'm not from an anglophone country makes that I'm not so fluent in the language. =)]

The thing with boys...

Friends, easy to make, hard to keep and so difficult to understand in some particular situations, especially when it comes to boys. Having a best guy friend can be sometimes like having a boyfriend you don't kiss or like a brother you never had. Other time's it's like a nightmare because you start realizing that you are so different (not only gender) and that one will never really understand the other.

Is it really so difficult to be a friend of or to have a (or some) boy(s) as friend(s)? Well, I say it's 50:50. I get better along with boys and have many male friends and it's complicated sometimes. I admit, in the beginning I always thought that it was none-sense what most people were saying, I was convinced that getting along with boys and understand them was nothing of impossibe if you did it right. I honestly still think that I know how some boys do function but the thing is, you yourself, will never stop being a girl (say hello to the problem!) and so the typical girly reactions will at some point take the overhand and spoil much, too much.

I think that's how I mentioned to lose two good friends, not to say best friends. Let's take for instance, the always feared and denied feeling of jealousy. Ok, most of the girls say that they aren't jealous when it comes to their buddies, but I don't know really... I think that my jealousy that I never admitted to anyone, not even to myself, destroyed everything. I didn't have feelings for them, like love, but just a good friendship; I loved it to spend as much time with them as possible and it seemed as if they felt the same. We were a great team, known as a trio and did so much stuff together but then suddenly there was another girl and so the typical girl reaction came... I became jealous and made sometimes some not very appropriated comments; it was the beginning of the end. At first I just tried to avoid her and continue spend time with my buddies, but then they preferred her over me; they had less time for me and I felt left outside of their little community. I felt hurt and started to spend time with other friends of mine but that didn't took the jealousy away and so everything broke apart with a huge fight, just to make the end perfect.

Jealousy does not only ruin relationships but friendships too. The thing was and still is, the guys didn't understand me and I didn't understand them. Perhaps if we had been sitting together and once for all had been talking about everything, the big difference that one girl brought to our friendship, everything could have ended in another direction. Perhaps if I had made an effort to like her, we could still be friends. I would say that the pride of both genders stood in our way... Girls make drama for something Boys consider as 'not worth to think twice about'.

But to be honest what would we do without one another?! Sometimes it's even good that we react different and that we have our own way of thinking. Still I say that a boy-girl-friendship is possible if one gives the other a chance to explain himself and if both try to understand the other.

.ladybird <3

*happy birthday mum! =) <3*