Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Man with the Hat

I never felt like this before. I did not even think that a hat could drive me nuts and this for real now. You can’t imagine in which difficulties I found myself because of your hat. Yes, YOUR hat. The strange thing is that I can’t figure out which way I’m heading right now. I’m, somehow, confused and feel as if I’m turning in a circle and this all because of you.

I tell myself and my friends that I just want to get to know you because I think that you are so cool and amazing in your very own way. Actually that’s really true; I want to know you and be friends with you because you seem to me to be so interesting and someone with whom I can discuss and have intelligent conversations. It’s all true, but… there seems to be something else too. Why does, every time I only think I spotted you, my heart skips a beat? Why do I turn red like a tomato and suddenly feel so hot when I see a hat like yours? Or why does an old car suddenly makes me want to follow it or gets me so excited that I can’t sit still any longer? Why?

It’s a very strange feeling. I know that I’m not in love, that is for sure, but I always feel as if I have a zillion of butterflies in my tummy as soon as I see you or remember myself of you. Somehow you are exactly what I feel attracted to although you are 7 years older than me and that should, in my age definitely, be a barricade. You are a man, a real adult ‘I-can-do-whatever-I-want-to’-man and I’m not yet ready to be a woman; a girl experimenting with the fact of being an adult, a woman. You came into my life by complete coincidence or perhaps destiny; a crossroad where you drove past my car, you looked to me and I looked to you, same as my friend sitting beside me. From that very moment on I wanted to get to know you. I was fascinated and so curious that I had to find you once again and I did. And again you looked to us and we to you and in your face someone could see your brain working, trying to find out if we were the same girls you saw right now but at another crossroad.

I actually thought that you were taller and younger, but this doesn’t even matter now. 4 days in a row where I saw you passing me by, standing close to me, being far away or just sitting somewhere nearby and you took your photographs. I felt your presence with every hair on my body because I had such crazy Goosebumps that I knew you were close although I couldn’t see you. It’s weird. But at the same time such a good feeling. I don’t want to fall in love because you are so much older than me, you smoke and drink and perhaps take other stuff. Because you are as short as I am (at least it seems to me) and have long dark blonde hair and blue-grey-green eyes and 2 tattoos and 2 piercings. Because you are so good-looking and wear things other guys wouldn’t dare to wear and drive such an old stylish car nobody else drives. Because you do what you want and are a gentleman and are so charming and cute. Because you are an artist (a real good one) and see the beauty in everything and know how to skate and to beat box. No! I’m not even supposed to think about it. On top of this is that I’m for sure not what you’re looking for, I just can’t be what you want to have as girlfriend, or as fiancée or as future wife. No! You need someone who is more like you instead of someone like me who wants someone like you. You are old enough to have at least one child and a wife, so you shouldn’t bother with me, the puppy.

And still, since I first saw you my goal is it to get to know you and be friends with you. I want to know how you got to be so much into the art and if “Das Parfum” from P. Süsskind is your favorite book just because your last name is the name of the protagonist? Those and many other questions I would like to ask you and have some answers. But for now, I just need to wait till I see you again.

<3 .ladybird

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